m.e. ll.a.m.o. a.s.h.l.e.y... (Cultural Comm.)

Being so far a way from everything familiar is hard but I defiantly miss my friends the most, which really is more of a blessing then a problem. I am lucky to have such an amazing close group of friends and I knew it would be hard for me to leave them for a year //How blessed am I to have something that makes leaving so hard// Coming to Spain alone I was prepared to make new friends but I had no idea how hard that would be with a language barrier. When traveling by myself I realize that I have to push myself to be more outgoing in order to meet new people but being outgoing has always been something that doesn't come easily to me, and being outgoing in a foreign language isn't quite a walk in the park either. It is easy to associate with the other american students and befriend them but I have learned that there is a big difference in having friends that are people you can go do things with and hangout with and having friends that you actually connect with and truly enjoy their company. I feel like with my host sister (in normal circumstances) we would be good friends, we not only share similar interests but also similar opinions which makes for a good person to be able to talk to. I am so thankful to have been paired up with such a fitting host family but since I have moved into my new apartment we haven't had time to meet up as much as I would like.

So I have been pushing myself to go outside my comfort zone and talk to new people but it is so hard to not only engage in a conversation but also express myself in a foreign language. I find myself being so much more shy then I want to be just because I don't have to words or knowledge to say the things I would normally say. My words dumb me down and I feel like a child even when I do speak. Also it takes a lot of confidence to try and speak the few words that I think I might know but I am sure I will pronounce wrong. Some days I feel fustrated, stupid, and even hopeless but it is when there are those few break throughs and times when I understand what someone is saying and am able to respond that I remember why I am doing this and it feels great! This has been happening more and more frequently so that must mean I am learning... it's just suchhh a long processes and I feel like I still have so to far to go before can more then just understand and respond but actually be fluent enough to truly speak in a way that matches my personality. This goes right along with what we were talking about in class: We learn to receive and interpret language much faster we learn to  produce it (which makes perfect sense and I am finding to be extremely true). Recently I understand so much of what people are saying and I even started reading a book in Spanish (The Wizard of Oz), but when I write my paper is full of mistakes and my speaking is hard to understand and very simply put. 

Since being here I have such a hunger to learn that I have never experienced (or at least never this strong). I just wish i had more time in the day to study... (I never thought i would say that) I have never enjoyed reading and now I find myself bringing my spanish book with me everywhere just incase I have a minute to read/translate a sentence... but speaking of not having enough time I will have to pick back up on this tomorrow. I'm meeting my Spanish Partner tomorrow morning for breakfast, excited to met her but I've got a lot to do in the morning before meeting her so--- Buenos Noches :)